As you may know by now, I grew up in a broken home where my parents got divorced at 7; growing up, I started showing depressive signs and OCD symptoms, it was a struggle and hard to get out of but made it in the end and turned out stronger than ever.
This post is not for self pity nor to share my journey, but to tell mothers and fathers all around the world to stop judging their kids and teenagers when they show signs of depression or anxiety and to start understanding them better.
The main reason for that is a mother sharing her experience with her 14 year old daughter with me yesterday, telling me about her attitude towards life, her introversion, her depressive mood which was really bothering the mother in a way no daughter would dare share the true feelings she was experiencing.
Dear mamas, I love you and cherish you and respect you, i know what you go through every single minute, however, some may underestimate the importance of listening and understanding; depression has many faces and comes in different forms: some sleep long hours, some suffer from insomnia, some cry all day and night while experiencing intense grief and overwhelming feelings of self hate, others might feel completely numb and indifferent, some might struggle getting out of bed and feel heaviness on their chest when trying to make an effort while others might dance and scream and shout just to let it out. Some like to talk about it and share how they feel, express every feeling, every idea, every thought, while others may withdraw theirselves from social gatherings and prefer hanging out with a book and a cup of tea; some manage to be around their coworkers and fake a smile all day while others might find it hard to get up and take a shower, some express their feelings with chocolate, chips, unhealthy food and overeating while others might lose weight for not being able to eat at all. Some feel everything at the same time, and some might feel things one feeling at a time.
Mama, depression is not just a rebellious attitude, a sad song or a dark room, you cannot just spot it on their faces or in their words or at a grocery store, depression is not always crying and shouting and feeling useless, and most importantly it is not something your kid should be ASHAMED OF, not now, not ever.
If you cannot help your child (which is fine) try leading them to someone who can, a close friend, a teacher, a relative they trust or a therapist; but don’t leave them hanging by a thread, don’t make fun of them and don’t dismiss them or belittle how they feel.
Your child too, shall become a parent and will learn a lot if you teach them well. Please remember, your kid learns by imitation.
Us mothers, we do not always have the answers or the perfect attitude; and that is just okay, because your child does not need “perfect”, they need you to be present, full of love, ears and understanding.
If someone spotted my depression earlier, it would have saved me lots of troubles when I was a teenager.
No regrets…just lessons.
Sandra Kassis 